


That Girl

by RoyEdIsMyAesthetic



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Bedroom, Crying, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Germany, I really don't know what to tag this as, M/M, Men Crying, Talking, royed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 03:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13068591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoyEdIsMyAesthetic/pseuds/RoyEdIsMyAesthetic
Summary: "There's something... soft... about it when a guy says that the reason why he does the wonderful things he does and smiles all the brighter is because that beautiful young lady in the other room is his girl."





	That Girl

Even after a good wash, his scent still lingered upon the fabric. Or maybe it was just a wish that Ed hoped to come true- cologne, ashes, and that faint smell he couldn't quite put his finger on. Whatever it was, it was just...  _him_.

Him and a comfort.

The seventeen year old lifted the collared shirt that he held in his mismatched hands, the fabric hushing him quiet as he nuzzled his chin into it. After letting out a quiet exhale, he gazed out the large window before him and down at the sunny Central City street. It was both the sort of gazing that one does when they're looking out or looking in, as well as the sort of gazing when they're doing neither.

It was a Sunday evening.

Sunday evenings are quiet, the streets and buildings and cobblestones bathed in a warm soft orange hue, the metal hoods and glass windows of parked cars twinkling in the waning light as the earth spins lazily on its axis. Because Monday awaits, and loitering at the corners of consciousness are the feelings connected to the last Monday and the Monday before. Perhaps, just perhaps, by dwelling on your steps and savoring each one for what it is, time will slow down as well, and the distance between now and the undesirable will stretch like a shadow across the pavement.

There was someone walking- someone walking in the middle of the road.

She was young and swathed in a certain surreal solemnity, decked in white with blonde hair trailing in the breeze like a flag. She walked with arms spread, carefully placing one foot in front of the other like a tightrope walker balancing high above a crowd.

Like herself alone upon the rope, Ed was alone in watching her. But as a tightrope walker hopes to bring about in their audience, Ed found himself entranced, and almost touched, even from a hundred feet away.

The spell was broken rather suddenly, causing Ed to jump slightly, dropping the garment he had been holding as he felt a pair of large hands slowly snake around his waist, pulling him tenderly back into the atmosphere of the room and toward the plane of a warm chest.

He could tell who it was. He could feel it.

It was as familiar as his automail was to him- something outside of himself, and yet an extension of who he was. And so, he did something that he rarely ever did.

He surrendered to him.

"You know..." a voice hummed into his hair, breath warm against skin. Ed could practically hear Roy's smile in the words that he spoke. "I just asked you to help bring up my laundry so we could make out, right?"

One corner of Ed's lips turned upward with amusement. "No," he replied coyly, leaning his head back against the chest of his lover.

"Really?" Roy questioned with a lift of an eyebrow.

"Yeah, really. Because I have  _faith in humanity_ ," Ed joked quietly. "I came here to help you do your laundry, you're a liar, and I'm legitimately disappointed."

"Don't be like that..." Roy sang, hugging him more tightly.

"Bastard..." Ed sang sweetly in response.

"Shrimp."

"Fucker with a God complex."

To that, Roy hummed a short blunt hum, neither of agreement nor disagreement.

And that was that.

The couple swayed slightly together before Roy set his chin upon Ed's left shoulder, a silence falling upon them that isn't truly a silence at all, but rather a space to breathe. And match the in and out of breath. And stop and think and consider, form abstract thought into being, and finally, voice the sad realization that you understand what others do not.

"Come now, Fullmetal..." Roy whispered into the fabric of Ed's shirt. "Tell me what's wrong."

Ed paused.

What's wrong?

It was such a simple question, and yet Edward found it difficult to place upon it a simple answer. There were many things that had gone wrong in his life which he now spent his time trying to correct. The road to doing so was long. And hard. And not to mention painful.

Not to be over dramatic, but sometimes, he felt like one dark day just bled into the next. You get the feeling that you're trapped in a tunnel. And the end, and all of the answers that you're looking for- they just aren't there.

On the days that you don't feel like that, you just feel all twisted up inside like a knotted piece of string, and it's in your stomach, and it's in your chest, and it's in your heart. And you just feel it there all the time.

But from within him...

From within him Ed felt his heart swell, a warmth spreading over his body like the rays of the sun. Because besides all of that... here... in this present moment. In the comfort of His arms where everything else that once mattered was no more... there came a realization.

He tasted the words as they dripped off of his tongue, and he blinked with wonder at them, as one does blinking water from their lashes on a rainy day.

"I'm almost happy," Ed breathed.

And when his mouth shaped those syllables, something told him that the unbelievable was believable. And yet, he couldn't help but feel the urge to laugh. The thought made him so uncharacteristically giddy. He supposed that love just does that to you sometimes.

"Could you imagine that?" Ed continued. "You make me almost happy."

"And why that horrible, horrible 'almost'?" Roy questioned.

With a quiet sigh, Edward bent over at the waist and balanced his chin upon the palm of his hand, his elbow balanced upon the painted wood windowsill.

Roy let go of him, casually placing himself at his side and taking off the royal blue jacket of his uniform. Silently, the colonel placed the article of clothing upon Ed's nearby twin bed and joined Edward in looking out at the city bathed in orange.

The mysterious woman clothed in white was still there, still making her way forward with head held high, almost as if forward were the inevitable and only direction.

'Almost' insinuates that something is missing.

And in this moment where nothing else existed, if Ed could ask for anything- anything for himself...

"I... I wanna be that girl," Ed said in a voice no louder than a whisper. "Yeah... I wanna be that girl."

There was a short silence, and then Edward jumped slightly as a rather loud snicker hissed its way from between Roy's lips, the corners twitching upward as he smiled with amusement, but tried hard to push the feeling down.

"You wanna be a woman, Fullmetal?" Roy questioned, surrendering to his smirk.

Ed turned his head, biting his lower lip gently and playfully pushing Roy away so that the older man's legs bumped against the edge of the nearby bed.

"Aw, get fucked..." Ed chuckled with a roll of his eyes.

"Whenever you're ready," Roy laughed.

Ed didn't laugh.

Roy came forward again, all smooth, and sure, and sly, as he always seemed to be in situations such as these. And soon enough, Edward felt those hands on his hips once more, warmth felt through the fabric of his clothes. He felt a certain heightened awareness, a certain spark of excitement as Roy turned him around and guided him back so that he was sitting atop the edge of the nearby bed. Mismatched legs dangled over, barely touching the carpeted floor, swinging back and forth slightly as Roy placed himself between them.

It was the memory of the action having been performed before that brought upon the anticipation- this unspoken rhythm of life which was somehow slightly different every time, yet led to the same climax.

Beforehand, Roy was always so gentle in everything that he did. He ran his hands slowly up and down Edward's arms, a gentle caress, paying no mind to cool nip of Edward's automail.

"Why do you want to be that girl?" Roy asked curiously, looking down on Ed as their fingers twined together.

"I  _don't_  wanna to be that girl," Ed replied.

"But you just said that you do!" Roy laughed.

"I changed my mind! I can do that, right?"

"You're Edward Elric- you can do anything you like," Roy cooed, touching a hand to Ed's heated cheek. "And not only that; you're also my guy. Why would you ever want to change when you're perfect just the way you are? You've got a handsome face..."

Roy's hand moved to tuck a lock of golden hair behind Ed's ear.

"...and pretty hair..."

Roy ducked his head down ever so slightly to place a gentle kiss where the skin of Ed's neck met the port of his automail arm.

"Nice, kissable shoulders..." he breathed.

"Stop it," Ed whispered.

Recognizing the serious tone in Ed's voice, Roy paused and slowly pulled away, taking his warmth away with him as he sat down directly beside the blonde on the bed, the mattress dipping down slightly with his weight.

Dark, india ink eyes stayed transfixed upon Ed as Roy cocked his head to the side, the glint of youthful interest reappearing in the pupils and irises. He blinked, as one does when they don't quite believe what's standing right in front of them, and letting out a short, heavy breath, he put a hand to his forehead, smoothing dark bangs back in one fluid motion and holding them there.

With a slight shake of his head and an almost pained expression, he finally spoke those words in the form of a low and charming hum- those words that... that the overlooked want to hear. And the overlooked and slow to trust don't want to hear at the same time, because those words could mean nothing whatsoever.

There were so many other choices Roy could've chosen from, all with slightly different meanings, and yet Edward had to settle on the fact that what did come out of the man's mouth meant something.

Because it came from him.

"Why you gotta be so hot... hm?" Roy hummed with a tilt of his head.

Edward silently crossed his arms in front of his chest and turned his head away with an annoyed scowl.

"Idiot..." the blonde muttered under his breath.

"You make me like this..." Edward heard Roy say softly.

For some reason, those words struck a certain chord with Edward, bringing him to face his lover once more, this time with understanding. A sad sort of understanding which he didn't quite expect.

You make me soft, you make me vulnerable, you make me stupid in the eyes of others, as well as in my own- you make me.

You make me. I have been made. I have been placed here upon the tightrope- you have made me.

And oh... what a wonder...

Roy's fingers ghosted over the floral-patterned duvet covers, rising up, and taking a gentle hold of the hem of Edward's shirt. With that, Roy looked at his lover expectantly, no words having been exchanged- a conversation spoken in an instant by those who need not speak to understand.

"Okay," Ed whispered almost hoarsely, putting a cool, automail hand atop Roy's.

"Okay," Roy whispered back with a small, amused smile.

Those fingers slid away from beneath Ed, those fingers that kill, those fingers that rise to lips and hush cries quiet on a starry night, those fingers that work at and caress both inside and out. Those fingers languidly rose up the plain of a bare back, bringing a shirt riding up and over head. 

Roy laid Edward down as if he were made of glass, such a precious thing.

Roy then set himself down above Edward, legs tangled together as he lifted himself up on his elbows, his dark bangs dripping down, just barely touching Ed's pale forehead.

The position was comfortable. Again, an unspoken rhythm of life, differing ever so slightly with self-growth and the passage of time.

"Time'll pass by as it always does," Edward said up to his lover, "And people'll say: I knew this guy a while back, and let me tell ya, he was the meanest and stupidest son of a bitch I've ever met. I think the bastard got it from his bastard father, Truth bless his heart..."

"You really think that?" Roy asked down to him, his brow furrowed with concern.

"Naw, of course not," Ed said with a smile and a gentle shake of his head. "You're a womanizer, a pyromaniac with a bit of a god complex, and you piss me off all the fuckin' time, but... you can be awful sweet... if you wanna be."

Edward narrowed his eyes with thought.

"But a guy won't say that after... after his guy has gone away," he added.

"That doesn't explain why you want to be that girl," Roy said. "And don't want to be that girl at the same time."

Edward put his hands around Roy's neck and drew him close, almost in a possessive manner. He could do that because Roy was his.

He had made him.

"Guys are all rough and tough and think they rule the world until they realize they don't," Edward explained, "There's something...  _soft_... about it when a guy says that the reason why he does the wonderful things he does and smiles all the brighter is because that beautiful young lady in the other room is his girl," Ed said as golden eyes became glassy. "And she's his," he choked. "And he's hers- oh, I just wanna be your girl..."

"Ed..." Roy called.

But Edward didn't listen. The blonde turned his head away and continued on, because he felt emotion forming knots in his stomach and then crawling up to his throat, but he just couldn't stop it. He couldn't let Roy see the wetness on his cheeks, he couldn't let Roy worry, but sometimes, it can't be stopped- this... panic brought about by fear... It comes flying forth.

"It might be some crazy sort of...  _infatuation_ , but that's all I want. I wanna be your girl, because I can feel something coming- I can feel myself creeping toward the edge of something, but I'm not ready! And all I know is that things are gonna be alright if only I'm yours, I-"

"Edward," Roy called.

Roy's voice pulled Ed tenderly back into the atmosphere of the room. A calloused hand touched Edward's cheek, guiding his head so that eyes met once more.

"You're my girl," Roy whispered sweetly, a small smile touching his lips. "You're my girl, and you always will be."

Edward sniffled slightly, his eyes tinged pink remaining on his lover as he reached up a hand and ran his fingers through his loose blonde hair, the action not really subconscious, but rather a grasp at some sense of normalcy as jumbled thoughts were calmly turned over in his head.

"You don't..."

Edward paused, letting his hand rest lazily above his head.

"You didn't think this could last forever... did you?"

Roy's smile fell. It didn't fall away, but simply lessened, like the flame of a candle grown small and dim- a fraction of the force that it once was- a halfhearted front masking the sadness that lay behind.

"Did I?" Roy questioned unblinkingly.

"Did you?" Edward asked again.

"Of course I didn't," Roy replied.

One corner of Edward's lips twitched upward with amusement as he gently wiped the wetness away from the corner of his eyes with the back of his flesh wrist.

"You're like that kid," Ed laughed slightly. "That kid who makes a mistake and then they pretend that they meant to do it because... by some stroke of luck, it worked out in the end. Just... just don't let me be that girl."

"I won't let you be that girl."

Edward let out a quiet breath before continuing on.

"Good guys don't sit down and... throw back a beer, and they nonchalantly say, 'Oh I dated this girl back in university, and she was one crazy bitch, but man, did she-' ...and they go on to elaborate about some aspect of... of her physical appearance or how good she was in bed, because that's all that ever mattered to him. But a good guy in love won't do that. He'll just mention in casual conversation... maybe with somebody special of his own, walking beside him, hanging onto his every word, even if those words mean nothing whatsoever. He'll just say, 'There was this girl I dated for a while. And her socks... they never matched!' And he'll stop, and he'll smile that small stupid smile, and you'll know by the way that he said it that there was something there once- I'm so sorry..." Edward said suddenly, wiping tears away from his face once again, "I'm working myself up..."

Edward set his arm back down, and as soon as he did, Roy leaned down just a bit further, placing a comforting kiss upon one of Edward's rosy, salty cheeks.

"It's alright," Roy whispered, drawing away again.

"Who _the hell_... was this woman?" Edward finally asked, his voice hoarse,"This woman without a name. Without a face. And how did she  _fuck up_.... this boy so bad? I'm so young, and I'm so old, and I'm so completely and utterly stupid, and so I think about these things. I wanna be lost in this... in this intoxicating moment where you're mine, and I'm yours. Let it fill me up- it feels so... it feels so  _warm_..."

"You're young," Roy commented.

"I'm young, and so I still believe that love is an all-consuming feeling rather than something rational like a choice- it's horrible. And wonderful. But either way, the worst part about being with somebody is that someday, you won't be. I'm not ready for that- I'm not ready." Ed said, shaking his head.

His chest felt oh so tight, and his throat felt like it was closing in on itself, but still, he found the voice he needed to use to say the words that he so desperately wanted to say- that final wish he hoped to come true.

"I don't wanna be that girl..."

 

**That girl who wakes up alone in the morning. And no longer reaches over to feel if the pillow is still warm.**

 

Edward woke up slowly that Monday, blinking in the early morning light that shone in through the window at the corner of his bedroom, his ears soon filled with the sounds of Munich's awakening city streets. This unspoken rhythm of life which was somehow slightly different every time, yet led to the same old routine- the same cold shower, the same brushing of hair, the same putting on of clothes.

 

**That girl who in her guilt, walks in the middle of road because she hopes that a car will come and hit her.**

 

Edward locked the door behind him and then picked up the leather suitcase which he had set down on the front stoop. With the swish of his long, brown coat, it took one step for feet to meet the concrete sidewalk.

He walked for a while nearby the road before he changed his mind and took yet another step down, walking upon the dry gutter at the cobblestone road's edge.

 

**That girl's got blinders on, and she's ready to jump off the tightrope and into the crowd, and yet she's aware that the world keeps turning.**

 

A young woman stood outside of an outdoor cafe, close to the chairs and tables so that her man could spot her easily when he finally arrived. She looked worriedly this way and that down the Amestrian city street.

The spell was broken rather suddenly, causing the woman to jump slightly as she felt a pair of large hands slowly snake around her waist, pulling her tenderly toward the plane of a warm chest.

She could tell who it was. She could feel it. And so, she surrendered to him, letting the half blind general's voice hum into her hair, breath warm against skin. She could practically hear Roy's smile in the words that he spoke, but she didn't notice that pause. That pause which comes when you wonder...

No, not when you wonder...

When you remember. When you remember, and it still hurts just a bit.

 

**That sweet, perfect, innocent girl...**

That Girl who left.

 

 

"And messed  _everything_  up."

**Author's Note:**

> My boyfriend actually said before: "You know... I just asked you to help bring up my laundry so we could make out, right?" and "Why you gotta be so hot, hm?" I also say 'Okay', and he always whispers 'Okay' back, so I wrote a fanfic that included those things. The story's also sort of about interactions within my own romantic relationship, and thoughts when it comes to me leaving school next year, and also leaving him, so... it's personal, but not very personal? I feel more chill than Ed is- I don't possess as much angst...
> 
> Roy and Ed are very sweet on each other here, which is sort of out of character, but I hope that was alright with you guys


End file.
